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Joke of the Day

"I tried wrapping Christmas presents.. But I just didn't have the gift"

"Why aren't people from the Westboro Baptist Church archaeologists? Because they are *homo*phobes."

"Thank you, possum, for rustling outside the window when some show about serial killers is on. It really helped with my insomnia."

"If he marries someone else, raises a family, and leads a very fulfilling life, maybe he's just not that into you."

"They say playing video games is a waste of time, but I credit Tetris for the speed and agility I display when bagging my own groceries."

"What does a blind pornstar say when she's surprised? I did not see that cumming...."

"Anytime I fly over the exact spot a time zone changes, I yell ""88 MILES PER HOUR!!!!"""

"Just read that California leads the nation in depression cases and adultery. What a sad state of affairs."

"What's 12 inches long, stiff, full of sperm and can make a girl scream? The sock under my bed. (I don't remember where I heard it. Can't claim ownership.)"

"What do you do if you see a space man? (my favorite one liner ever) you park your car in it, man"