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Joke of the Day
"What do you do if you see a space man? (my favorite one liner ever) you park your car in it, man"
Next Joke
"When talking to your kids about the ""birds and the bees"", don't forget the part about how the bird can't feel shit when he wears a condom."
"Accidentally broke my Irish friend's Pixar movie... He wasn't amused, but he did say, ""You cracked me Up."""
"I like to whisper my questions to the Librarian so they can ask me to speak louder"
"F Scott Fitzgerald ...and F the Great Gatsby as well."
"The second best ""asm"" is ""sarc."""
"My daughter just said that I'm the best dad she's ever had. So I got that going for me."
"Was very disappointed when I went into a German restaurant and asked for their best but they served me their wurst"
"Health care in this country is a disgrace. My doctor said run 3 miles a day for a month. I'm now completely lost & 90 miles away from home."
"Why can you see through Bruce Jenner? Because he is a trans-parent."