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Joke of the Day

"I've got washboard abs. As soon as I can find someone with clay-jug abs and someone with jews-harp abs, we can get started on our old-timey-hobo-band abs."

Next Joke
 
"What does the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both glide around Uranus and wipe out Klingons!"
"Royal flushes aren't very common. The Queen's homes must stink."
"Dude goes to convenience store and asks for cigarettes, gets one and warning reads "" Smoking can cause impotency"" politely asks ""Bro, give me the pack that causes cancer"""
"[Lie detector] ""You claim you can move an object by saying just one word. Is this true?"" - Yes *needle going nuts* ""I, sir, have been owned"""
"Today is the first day of the rest of your life and you've already screwed it up."
"this is a serious question if you have sex with a hoker and dont pay is it shoplifting"
"My boss is coming to my grandad's funeral tomorrow. He said, after his 3 previous funerals he personally wants to see him go in the ground"
"Sorry I yelled, ""HAIL SATAN"" at your baby's baptism."
"Someday you'll wake up with Mark Zuckerberg in your bed because you neglected to uncheck a box."