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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend and I watched the Star Wars movies back to back last night; I'm so glad I was the one facing the TV. (Huehuehue ... but seriously, she would just be on her damn phone haha)"

"Manager: I'll give you fifty pounds a week to start with and a hundred pounds a week in a year's time? Young player: OK I'll come back in a year's time!"

"Why can't the Maple Leafs have any tea? Because Boston has all the cups!"

"What did the diva with Alzheimer's disease say? **DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM????** (credit to one of the writers from Bob's Burgers)."

"Considering we've produced Miley Cyrus and Kanye West, I'm more surprised other countries haven't built a wall around the U.S."

"My girlfriend and I spent $40 on a pesto pasta It was worth every penne"

"Just think, there is coming an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: ""Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"""

"A granny comes to see a doctor - and the doctor is a granny too."

"A math teacher had a bird, and he trained it to talk. One day it escaped, and he yelled out the window, ""Polly gone! Polly gone!"""

"When the circus came to town they ran a competition to find the best contortionist.. ..so I entered myself and won"