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Joke of the Day

"I don't know why everyone is so upset about the rioting in Ferguson The rest of America is going to do the exact same thing on Friday, they just got a head start on holiday shopping."

"I think my new neighbor is a rapist, but that's because I say, ""...said the rapist."" after every one of his sentences."

"If at first you don't succeed, it's called 'Attempted' Murder."

"Oops. Everyone brought their ""see you next year""s to work today and I only brought my throat slashing gesture."

"I lied to my wife about what I was doing. I told her I was laminating copies of my newest novel. But that was only a cover for my story."

"Q: What is the best way to speak to a ghoul? A: From a long ways away."

"I got a papercut writing my suicide note. It's a start. -Steven Wright"

"Mother: Did you get a good place in the geography test? Fred: Yes Mum I sat next to the cleverest kid in the class."

"What's a zombie's favorite pop song? Dead sails in the sunset."

"My wife has this really weird fetish... She likes to dress up as herself and then act like a fucking bitch all the time."