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Joke of the Day

"A man asked his wife ""what would you do if i won the lottery?"" She said ""take half and leave your ass."" ""Good,"" he replied. I won twelve dollars, here's six, now get out."""

"Last week I tried talking to a politician about rape laws... She couldn't see where I was coming from."

"There was a fight outside a chippy the other day.... ... a poor cod got battered"

"So, I walk in on daughter masturbating with a carrot. I shout, ""Fuck! Seriously? I was going to eat that later, and now it's just going to taste like carrots!"""

"If you're upset with someone, write down your feelings in a message. Put the message in a bottle. Hit them over the head with the bottle."

"Phone rang for the 1st time in 4 months. My reaction was similar to finding a dead mouse on my porch. I circled it & poked it with a stick."

"""My computer asked me for an 8 character password."" For some reason it didn't accept snow white and the seven dwarves."

"Why was the fruit farmer losing money? He couldn't grow a pear"

"If one door closes & another door opens, you're probably in prison."

"Did you hear about the pillow factory that blew up last week? There was a big panic at first, but it's all settled down now."