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Joke of the Day

"So, I walk in on daughter masturbating with a carrot. I shout, ""Fuck! Seriously? I was going to eat that later, and now it's just going to taste like carrots!"""

"The best way to run into that hot person you've been dying to talk to is to leave the house looking the worst you possibly can."

"Breaking: Fox News reports Obama is no longer a suspect."

"Brad Pitt: Doc, did you ever see my movie ""Seven"" with me and Morgurt Freeman? Doctor: I think you mean Morgan Brad: Sorry, Morgurt Morgan"

"I had a Menage a trois organised... There were a couple of no shows, but I still had a good time."

"On her deathbed my wife said, ""Sweety, I will see you in Heaven."" Since then I have kicked a puppy, stole from 4 shops and set fire to an orphanage.!"

"Why do fat chicks give good head? Because they have to"

"Just saw a pensioner do a tribute to the England team. Yep she got off the bus look abit confused and then got back on went home."

"Women reflect on the entire pie while men fixate about eating whatever slice they can get their hands on."

"in the harry potter universe, where do wizards with weird sexual fetishes go? AYN ALLEY"