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Joke of the Day

"my friend told me on first dates i should just ""be myself"" and ""be confident"" and i was like ""ok but which one?"""

"MATH PROBLEM: If you give half of your apple to a friend, what do you have? ME (through tears): A...a friend"

"Did you go to the cellphone's wedding? No but I heard that the reception was great."

"An Irish pirate with a 12 inch wiener walks into a bar and the bartender says ""I don't even know how to label you!"""

"Wild horses could easily drag me away from anything, even from my favorite activity. Wild horses are super crazy strong."

"Anytime there's food in front of my face I always eat it even if I'm not hungry. That's why I could never be a gynecologist."

"What does 9/11 and owning CP have in common? The government will watch you for the next 15+ years"

"A pick-up line for a lovely lady Hey babe, are you a fart? -cause you just blew me away."

"Justin Bieber's birth certificate... was an apology letter from the condom factory."

"Anyone who says they don't like cats hasn't had them cooked properly."