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Joke of the Day

"Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off..."

"America's national mascot should just be a drunk white girl typing on a shattered iPhone."

"Adulthood is just piles of bills and trying to convince your exes how amazing you're life is."

"My daughter's been seeing someone called Jim. Only for an hour each time, always in sports gear and often sweaty afterwards. I don't approve"

"What's the difference between Belgian waffles and American waffles? Belgium waffles crumble in the hands of German."

"Why do GPSes work really well in Washington state? There are lots of Seattleites there!"

"So I asked /r/AskScience a question... My post is not yet visible on the forum and is awaiting review from the moderator team."

"""You can have sex with my sister over my dead body"" ""Umm, I appreciate the weird offer, but I'm just gonna do it in my car"""

"The engineer goes to the bathroom and takes a dump. Because everything these assholes do is shit"

"What did the Alabama State sheriff call the black guy who had been shot 15 times? The worst case of suicide he has ever seen."