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Joke of the Day

"I wonder how many Viagra induced unrequited boners go home from the bar or club staring up at their owners in complete dismay?"

"Why were the pirates on the ship fighting? They needed better anchor management."

"What is it called when brown envelopes aren't delivered as quickly as white ones? White Mail Privilege"

"A man walks into a bar and takes a seat... The bartender shot him before he even made it back to the door."

"You always hear about alpha males and beta males, but I'd prefer to be a gamma male They have a higher rate of penetration..."

"Age 20: ""You free for lunch?"" ""Yeah, meet you there now."" Age 30: ""You free for lunch?"" ""Yes, let's schedule it in for 3 weeks from now."""

"if you say ""pumpkin spice latte"" in the mirror 3 times a white girl in yoga pants will appear & tell you all her favorite things about fall."

"My wife thinks I'm stupid for using Twitter so much. But I think she's stupid for marrying me, so I think we all know who won this argument."

"Daughter steals my iPad so I left Google open on ""too many kids"" & ""making it look accidental."" Found my iPad but haven't seen her all day."

"A ninja's wife comes home to find her husband dead and exclaims... ...""no ninja no ninja no!"""