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Joke of the Day

"Age 20: ""You free for lunch?"" ""Yeah, meet you there now."" Age 30: ""You free for lunch?"" ""Yes, let's schedule it in for 3 weeks from now."""

"Did you hear the one about Sandusky at the beach? A father walked up to him and said, ""get out of my sun!"""

"Good luck making the Instagram most viewed page if you're not an adorable Japanese teenager eating frozen yogurt."

"If I'm ever arrested, I would use my one phone call for pizza."

"I don't understand interventions. What's the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?"

"I hate finding out I'm arguing with someone who actually knows what they're talking about."

"So when two guys get super friendly it's bromantic, but what about two girls? Can we make homantic a thing? Or 'gina buddies or something?"

"As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable."

"What's a similarity between anal sex and spinach? If one or the other was forced upon you as a child, you won't like it as an adult."

"I have a diabetic racist uncle who doesn't get on with milk. He lacks toes and tolerance."