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Joke of the Day

"Women love shy guys with some sensitive sensibilities. They also love confidence and assertiveness. So, have multiple personality disorder."

"""It helps knowing that everyone else will die with me if we crash."" ~my 11yo on why she's not afraid to fly unaccompanied"

"The good news is, that bag of clothes from 1998 that I still haven't taken to the donation centre...they are back in style now."

"What starts with ""F"" and ends with ""UCK""? ""Firetruck"" ...What were you thinking? What starts with ""P"" and ends with ""ORN""? ""Popcorn"" ..What were you thinking?"

"""The hell with friendship, our top priority has always been between our legs."""

"I know one song that won't be popular in gay clubs anymore. Murder on the Dance Floor."

"Why do women close their eyes during sex? They hate to see men have a good time."

"What's the difference between a stingy neighbor and a cheap prostitute? One nickels and dimes you for screws while the other screws you for nickels and dimes."

"Have you heard about the curator of the Slavic History exhibit? He's forever Russian around, Czeching that everything gets Polished"

"Right now Chuck Norris' pumpkin is carving itself"