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Joke of the Day

"i have good and bad news Wife: Ok, the bad news? i didn't clean out the garage Wife:*sigh* the good news? [holds up cat dressed as Thor]"

"What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter. He can't come anyways."

"I tried to buy the father from the Addams Family from a young starlet. She told me she was Sellin'a Gomez"

"If the Pope could smell my farts right now he'd cancel Christmas."

"Amazon Prime is seriously way better than Netflix. I love it almost as much as my Zune."

"[picking a career as a kid] I just want to do something that matters [many years and jobs later] Oh right nothing matters"

"What did the burglar say to the lady who caught him stealing her silver? I'm at your service ma'am."

"A mortician died in a small town He showed up to work late"

"Roses are red violets are blue, Some poems rhyme, This one does not."

"I just had my iPhone stolen. I wish I thought of this before. Best way to prevent iPhone theft? Make it look like a BlackBerry."