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Joke of the Day

"[picking a career as a kid] I just want to do something that matters [many years and jobs later] Oh right nothing matters"

"What's the difference between a rectal thermometer and an oral thermometer? The taste!"

"How many non-compliant Germans does it take to change a light bulb? Nein!"

"It is well known..."

"best Attitude to follow in Life Imagine that you are already dead. This way, whatever u get in life is always a profit for u."

"How many homophones does it take to change a lightbulb? Nun."

"A jew , a christian, and a muslim board a plane The stewardess says : ahh, you guys again?"

"Had a dream some of my friends were mooning me, woke up at the crack of Don."

"Txt my wife to ask if the gardener came & how 5yo's 1st day of school was. She txt back ""He's naked on the couch"". I'm afraid to ask who.."

"Waiter what is this hare doing in my salad? I believe he's eating your lettuce."