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Joke of the Day

"What did the burglar say to the lady who caught him stealing her silver? I'm at your service ma'am."

"Her: You know, alot of men are going to be miserable when I marry. Me: Well how many men do you plan to marry?"

"80% of being Donald Trump is just worrying that the wind will blow your weird combover in the wrong direction."

"chewing tobacco must've been a hard sell: Do you like nicotine but hate smoke but love to spit smelly wet chunks of leaves? Well guess what"

"How the does man give his dead batteries away? Free of charge, of course."

"Why do sumo wrestlers shave their balls? So they don't have hairballs!"

"I've wrecked my car yet I still weigh the same. This crash diet is for the birds."

"*interrupts friends* ""u gotta hear this tweet..Ok.."" *realizes tweet starts with 'action asterisks' & doesnt know how to read that out loud*"

"[religion]What's the difference between Jezus and a picture of Jezus? You only need one nail to hang the picture"

"Why was the geologist arrested? He was doing crystal math."