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Joke of the Day

"What does Lenny (of Mice and Men) do during foreplay? Heavy petting."

"My girlfriend looked at me with her sexy eyes So, my girlfriend looked at me with her sexy eyes and said, ""I want you to make me scream with only two fingers baby"".... so I poked her in the eyes."

"What's a russian's favorite golf club? A putin wedge."

"Bear Grylls lies on the floor at Starbucks peeing into his own mouth, ""this is literally the only way to survive in this environment"""

"What is the difference between jam and jelly? You can't jelly your dick down a girls throat"

"I guess you could say the situation in Gaza... Israeli bad. YEAAAAHHHHHHH!!!! i'll show myself out."

"I feel like all bears are Bad News Bears. I've never seen a bear and was like ""Oh, he looks like he has good news for us, lets stick around"""

"I went to the zoo today, but it only had one animal! It was a Shitzu ... I'll see myself out edit: apparantly this is another common repost which I have never seen. Oh well, I like it."

"ME: will it hurt? DR: u ever been stung by like, 500 bees? ME: omg no! DR: ok. that's not what it's gonna feel like. I was just wondering"

"it would be pretty badass if people never stopped growing and old people were like 30 feet tall. anyway thanks for coming to my TED talk"