155215

Joke of the Day

"[Obamacare Meeting] *Biden raises hand* *Obama sighs* Yes Joe? Will the doctor still have lollipops? Sure. *Entire Congress sighs w/ relief*"

"Omg, I'm a huge fan! -Windmills"

"I pissed off two men today because I referred to them as hipsters.. Apparently the correct term is 'conjoined twins'"

"I like my beer like i like my violence.. Domestic."

"If ignorance is bliss then explain Facebook."

"What do you call large number of cannibals stranded on an island? A *free-for-all-you-can-eat.*"

"What's yellow and flashes? A banana with a loose connection."

"What musical instrument should you never, ever trust? The Lyre."

"What's the difference between prostitutes and onions? I cry when I cut onions"

"Why are they rioting in Ferguson? Because they carefully and objectively reviewed the evidence from the trial and thought a legitimate injustice had been done."