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Joke of the Day

"I couldn't believe it when my wife said she was leaving me because I'm obsessed with The Monkees... Then I saw her face"

"Look Mr. Tech Support Dude, you asked if I had any more questions. Sorry if ""What are you wearing?"" wasn't what you had in mind."

"Way too young My friend just updated his status to ""I love my girlfriend <3"". I always knew he liked them young, but that is fucking ridiculous."

"What did the vampire say when his son scraped his knee? **""Suck it up""**"

"There's a man walking a tight rope. 100ft below him there's a man getting a blowjob from an 80 year old woman. What are they both thinking? Don't look down."

"If gas prices keep going up I'm cutting off the bottom of my car and I'm ""Flintstoning"" That mf!"

"Say what you want about my sex life... I'm not having it."

"What's the difference between a hand towel and toilet paper? ""What?"" ""You aren't coming to my house"""

"""sir, can i ask why you're smoking TWO huge blunts?"" ""officer, I'm..."" *turns to camera* ""double jointed"" *cop starts breakdancing*"

"What do Hitler and Boston have in common? Neither can finish a race."