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Joke of the Day

"""sir, can i ask why you're smoking TWO huge blunts?"" ""officer, I'm..."" *turns to camera* ""double jointed"" *cop starts breakdancing*"

"It is nearly impossible to find an eye doctor on an Alaskan island. They are all optical Aleutians."

"Yo momma so fat... She's a Reddit admin!"

"What dog always gets on everyone's nerves? A great pane!"

"What if Bane's mask was really just a cool, elaborate electronic cigarette?"

"I was visiting a desserts factory last week when my girlfriend fell into the gelato machine Now she's sore bae."

"Why did Eeyore cross the road? To get to the other... *sigh*"

"Only Pools And Corpses A new sitcom starring Michael Barrymore and Demi Moore."

"""my son, can I ask why you're carrying two HUGE crucifixes?"" Well father, I've been... Double-crossed *God starts breakdancing*"

"Procedure for being unthanked for door holding: 1. Keep eyes fixed on culprit 2. Say you're welcome 3. Shake head 4. Mutter ""unbelievable"""