154889

Joke of the Day

"I'm finishing off this bottle of wine because you never know when an asteroid is gonna hit and I'd hate to waste the $6.49 I spent on it."

"Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. But why are you walking around giving men fish? That's weird, dude."

"Why do dogs bury bones in the ground ? Because you can't bury them in trees !"

"What do math teachers grow? Geometrees and trigonometrees"

"Cop: Lemme see your papers Me: Okay Cop: These are rolling papers Me: Would you look at that Cop: Sir are you high? Me: What are you, a cop?"

"Rest in peace boiled water You will be mist."

"A geneticist was unhappy with the result when he spliced potato DNA with that of his own genitals. Nobody likes dictators"

"How are ninjas and soft core porn alike? You never see them coming."

"Wanna know why everyone is a pizza delivery guy? Because if you pick up pizza, you're delivering it to yourself !! edit: RIP inbox!!!!"

"Cats probably wouldn't need 9 lives if they wore tiny little helmets and didn't smoke cigarettes."