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Joke of the Day

"A man tried to force his wife to take an aspirin when she got in bed with him. She began yelling and saying ""I don't have a headache!"" The man replied, ""Good, let's fuck."""

"A Swiss Army Knife is a lot like a pod of dolphins... Multi-porpoise!"

"Things will never get better until you make the conscious decision to lower your standards."

"Is it called zerotasking or notasking? I'd look it up, but that kind of defeats what I'm going for here."

"*6 hours of Russian roulette* Me: ""I think I forgot to load a bullet in this gun."""

"""To infinity (bed, bath) and beyond!"" - Buzz Lightyear settles down"

"What's the world's sexiest phone number extension? 6969"

"I've pre-planned my funeral to include a 32 minute montage of the times I've accidentally waved hello to someone waving to someone behind me."

"Why don't women need watches? There's a clock on the stove."

"Why do black guys only have nightmares? Because we killed the only one with a dream"