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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a cow with no legs? ...ground beef"

"Why do Lannisters hate turtles? Cause they can't stab them in the back"

"I painted my computer black so it would run faster. But it was shot before it could start running."

"How does a poor man watch TV? with binoculars. u know, he has to watch whatever the neighbours are watching."

"*is at the movies with hot date* *does fake yawn to put arm around her* *yawns too hard and inhales a child from the row in front* *dies*"

"Few things stress me out as much as a waiter who doesn't write the order down."

"My daughter ruined her Halloween costume. Gonna wrap her in aluminum foil and send her out as a leftover."

"I was going to buy some Veet wax strips, but then i realized they were a rip-off"

"Did Jesus ever get drunk? I dunno either, but I heard he got hammered once."

"If you watch the Mighty Ducks backwards it's about a hockey team that starts sucking so bad that the coach leaves and becomes an alcoholic."