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Joke of the Day

"Ugh, I am swamped at work today. *stares at puppies on the Internet for 3 hours"

"Ronda Rousey is the only MMA fighter I can't fap to. She's the only one that finishes before I do."

"When you lick the icing off a spoon... Are you defrosting it?"

"Detective: ok forensics is finished. I'll start here and you- Dog cop: I'll mark our territory [dog cop pees around the crime scene tape]"

"Stop leaving the freezer door open! This is why we can't have ice things."

"Rooster and donkey If you have a donkey and I have a rooster and the donkey eats my rooster, what do you have? Two pounds on my cock in your ass!"

"Here's my favorite limerick. There once was a man from Nantuckett Whose dick was so long he could suck it Wiping cum from his chin He said with a grin If my ear was a pussy, I'd fuck it!"

"Q: How can you identify an Irish pirate? A: He's the one with patches over both eyes."

"Have you ever tried to peel apart a grilled cheese sandwich? That's what its like to fuck a 90 year old"

"This milk is so far past its expiration date that I'm only going to have a small slice."