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Joke of the Day

"Price of 2x4's : 9$. Price of some nails: 3.50$. Price of a hammer:15$ The world after a Crucifixion: Christless."

"Did you hear about the scarecrow who won an Oscar? He was out standing in his field."

"[being robbed] Me: careful.. I'm ARMED *whips out bible Robber: lol *pulls gun out of bible R: oh *pulls smaller bible out of gun"

"I remember when my grand father first got his pace maker Every time he would go to use the microwave he would piss his pants and forget who he was for about an half an hour or so."

"can we have one night where you don't act like spiderman ""ok"" [hour later a bird/panther type thing steals wife's purse] ""don't look at me"""

"Walked into a very expensive restaurant, sat down, was handed a menu. Comic Sans. Got up and left. Life is hard."

"What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre!"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Clark ! Clark who ? Clark your car in the garage !"

"Girlfriend Parents: so how did you meet our daughter? Me: we met at a nickelback conc- Gf: [covers my mouth] we met on tinder"

"Civil War spoilers Lee surrenders at Appomatox Courthouse, Abe Lincoln is shot by John Wilkes Booth."