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Joke of the Day

"This is no place for memorials, petitions, or any of that emotional shit."

"A thief broke into my house last night He started searching for money, so I woke up and searched with him."

"I can't decide if I want to watch the original Star Trek of The Next Generation... I guess you could say I'm stuck between a Spock and a Picard place!"

"Did you hear about the guy who taught a group of dung beetles to play baseball? Yup, and thats just the bug inning."

"Michelle Obama was not the first person to think of the ""Turnip for what"" She was the First Lady"

"Why couldn't Mozart find his mentor? Because he was Haydn"

"""SURPRISE!!!!"" - Every girl with drawn-on eyebrows."

"What do you call a guy with no nuts and a horn on his head? A eunucorn."

"I'm already visualising the duct tape across your mouth."

"""Are you from Cincinnati?"" ""No. Bosboston."""