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Joke of the Day

"Guys, I'm officially having sex tonight so please don't disturb me between 9.30 and 9.31"

"I think that, in the space race, the U.S.S.R. got to Mars first. Because mars is the red planet."

"What do you call Nazis undergoing decomposition? Necrotizing Fascists."

"""It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside"" ME: Oh thank god ""It's who you are on the inside"" ME: Dang"

"How do you make your wife cry when you're having sex? Ring her up and let her listen"

"A guy in school said that my clothes were gay ""Well, yes"", I told him ""they came out of the closet this morning."""

"I did a theatrical performance on puns.. it was a play on words."

"Mom: Fred there were two chocolate cakes in the larder yesterday and now there's only one. Why? Fred: I don't know. It must have been so dark I didn't see the other one."

"Gandalf was an alien. It's right there in his name: Gandalf the GREY. Wake up, sheeple!"

"Kids are back to school & all I do is worry about their guinea pig. Is she lonely? Bored? Silly? I should probably hold her. I need a life."