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Joke of the Day

"Kids are back to school & all I do is worry about their guinea pig. Is she lonely? Bored? Silly? I should probably hold her. I need a life."

"At first I couldn't get used to all the plants in my living room... But I think I started growing into it."

"Before he was a footballer, Messi used to be a stand-up comedian He had to quit because his jokes kept flying over the audience's heads."

"Dear whoever is playing sweet child o' mine at 2:30 in the night at full blaring volume to disturb the whole neighborhood......NICE!"

"hello 911? yes do you think i'm pretty"

"Just saw a snake slither through my backyard, so if anyone wants a house in Houston, it's yours."

"why did the scarecrow get a promotion? he was outstanding in his field"

"I just don't understand my next door neighbor. She keeps going on about how she'd love to be a contestant on a reality show, but she went mental when she found out I'd put cameras all over her house."

"I think that reddit's lockdown was an entirely democratic process... achieved completely by popular voat"

"What's the best time to go to the dentist? At toothhurty."