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Joke of the Day

"""It doesn't matter what you look like on the outside"" ME: Oh thank god ""It's who you are on the inside"" ME: Dang"

"Help stop domestic violence... Each year, 1 in 5 people are violently domesticated"

"What do you call a country full of animals that eat a lot and sleep for many months at a time? High-Bear-Nation! ^^*Shit* ^^*where's* ^^*the* ^^*door*"

"What's the best way to stop a German train? *Axe* them nicely."

"How do make a hipster sweat... make 'em wear a wool sweater before it was cool."

"I knew a website with a lot of zelda stuff But I forgot the link."

"I keep graphic, full frontal nude pictures of myself on my cell phone in case anyone ever hacks it. That'll teach 'em. Can't unsee that."

"What do you get when you mix pie and onions? Opinions!"

"What did the cannibal get when he was late to dinner? The cold shoulder"

"If I say, ""Don't worry, I'm on it,"" there's a 98% chance I'm referring to my couch."