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Joke of the Day

"When my doctor gives me a prostate exam I like to moan ""Mmmm, deeper."" Freaks him out, but not as much as when I try to cuddle afterward."

"I asked a pretty homeless woman... I asked a pretty homeless women if I could take her home, she said yes with a big smile. The look on her face soon changed when I walked off with her cardboard box."

"Guard dog? Service dog? Yeah, yeah... When earth is invaded by evil aliens that look like pony tail holders, our cat will be a hero."

"A cattle rancher thought he had 196 cows... ...but when he rounded them up, he had 200."

"How many super saiyans does it take to change a light bulb? only one but it takes him 5 episodes."

"I see you're busy. I'll come back and ruin your free time."

"I like to measure my workouts in terms of a reward system. For instance: I just ran 2.5 pizzas."

"There are only 3 lawyer jokes. The rest are all true."

"Do you have a hole in your sock? Then how the hell did you get your foot in it?"

"House arrest? You mean permission to excuse myself from social interaction? Oh no, judge. Please don't."