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Joke of the Day

"I like to measure my workouts in terms of a reward system. For instance: I just ran 2.5 pizzas."

"In-laws are like hemorrhoids... .... When they come down and go back up it's ok, but when they stay down that's when it's a pain in the ass..."

"What do you call the ring that worms leave round the bath ? The scum of the earth !"

"What is Snoopy's favorite Japanese dish? Snushi."

"I saw Jimmy Carr at the train station the other day.. ..I guess it's because he doesn't like taxis"

"I never could bring a woman into my house. At first, because of the parents. Later, because of the wife."

"what do people call bob the builder when he's not building anything? bob"

"I was desperate, I *needed* a recipe for Indian bread! But I found naan..."

"Why did the can crusher quit his job? Because he found it soda pressing."

"What does Melania see in Donald Trump? 10 billion dollars and high Cholesterol"