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Joke of the Day

"Q: What did Snow White say when she dropped off her film? A: ""Some day my prints will come."""

"Nobody's abs are good enough to convince anyone to move to Iowa."

"Dating must've been so easy for cavemen. This my cave. This my fire. You like rock? I have many."

"Undressing with the curtains open is my little way of giving back to the old ladies in our neighborhood watch."

"I just tried to start my car with my phone. You should know that my car has a keyless ignition. I'm pretty."

"""It's just bananas, bananas, bananas with you,"" the wife shouted. ""If I told you I was going to leave you because of this ridiculous obsession, what would you say?"" ""Well, thanks a bunch,"" I replied."

"It would be funny if, with everyone freaking out about global warming we ended up dying in a good old 60s throwback nuclear war with Russia."

"My doctor diagnosed me with severe lack of observation. That came out of nowhere."

"If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world."

"Thanks for the heart attack, Chinese menu under the door while I'm watching a scary movie."