152937

Joke of the Day

"What do you do to a scientist after he dies? You Barium."

"""Mommy does Barbie come with Ken?"" ""No sweetie, Barbie comes with GI Joe, she just fakes it with Ken"""

"Just had to re-watch the Rousey v Nunes fight... Because it finished before I did"

"What did the guy with leprosy say to the prostitute? Keep the tip"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Baron ! Baron who ? Baron mind who you're talking to !"

"Cop: What happened? Me: A Smart Car hit one of those little Fiats. Cop: Can you describe the accident. Me: Adorable?"

"I saw a crazy squirrel today.. He was fucking nuts."

"What do Jews love most about their mobile phones? They can charge them."

"Why do gardeners make horrible cops? Because they keep planting evidence."

"I just don't get you people who prefer the cold over the heat. The best times of my life are spent being hot, sweaty, and naked. Not cold, shivering, and bundled up."