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Joke of the Day

"""Mommy does Barbie come with Ken?"" ""No sweetie, Barbie comes with GI Joe, she just fakes it with Ken"""

"A old saying. Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity."

"When the imaginary zebras start sawing off your legs, it's time to lay off the hard stuff."

"Why did the hipster wear a sweatshirt on the sweltering summer day? She wears sweatshirts before it is cool! (Cue rim shot)"

"How'd your trip on the Titanic go? Swimmingly."

"What do you call a fish out of water? Asians? Idk it's been a rough day."

"Why did 2Pac go to the gym? To get a 6Pac! -7th grade me"

"If I ever only have 3 months to live, I want my ex wife to be with me. That would be the longest 3 months of my life."

"I have a fear of speed bumps... But im slowly gettin over it."

"I gave up my seat for a blind man on the bus today That's how I lost my job as a bus driver"