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Joke of the Day

"Cop: What happened? Me: A Smart Car hit one of those little Fiats. Cop: Can you describe the accident. Me: Adorable?"

"Gay guys are fucking assholes"

"I can't get out of bed, my Fitbit is charging and my steps won't count"

"My love for you is like an hourglass I always finish on the bottom."

"My new Girlfriend told me ""A small penis shouldn't be a problem in a loving relationship"" I still wish she didn't have one."

"What did one wall say to the other? I'll meet you at the corner."

"I'm giving up, folks. Years of letters and phone calls making my case quite articulately but they still won't give the Muppets nipples."

"My girlfriend likes to get f**ked in the ear Every time I try to stick my dick in her mouth she turns her head!"

"Chinese Food is amazing but I do find it hard to believe that a chicken fried this rice"

"Waiter: If you know the food here is so lousy why do you keep coming back? Customer: It reminds me of my ex-wife's cooking."