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Joke of the Day

"How is a bell obedient? It sounds off only when it is told (tolled)."

"Dogs are tough!! Been interrogating this one for hours and he still won't tell me who's a good boy!"

"The people at U.P.S are assholes. They sent me a message telling me I have a small Package... I mean, what are they doing opening my mail and looking at my pictures anyway?"

"Joe Biden is in the White House kitchen right now licking every piece of silverware and putting them back in the drawer"

"If you cannot afford a stenographer, a 4 year old will be appointed for you to repeat exactly what you said at all times. Do you understand?"

"I don't mind being back on my meds... I just think it's sad that at the same time all the dogs in the neighbourhood stopped talking to me."

"My patient was refused his organ transplant. But I didn't have the heart to tell him."

"I do 8 sit-ups every mornin'. Might not sound like much, but there's only so many times you can hit the snooze button. Merica."

"So if multiple cactus is cacti... NSFW Would a cat (animal) be cat-i?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were an expert on my life and how I should live it. Please continue while I take notes."