152847

Joke of the Day

"[interview for doctor's office receptionist] ""Can you schedule appointments and be friendly"" Yes. ""Sorry we're looking for the opposite"""

"I clicked ""Going"" on a Facebook event last week but now I feel like staying in... *masked tough guys throw me in a van* ""You committed, pal"""

"Witness: I saw the defendant stabbing the victim. Lawyer: Objection! Witness is ugly! Judge: Sustained. Jury will disregard the statement."

"Last week I ordered a vault and some speakers Today they arrived, safe and sound."

"7 out of 3 people are bad at fractions."

"How do you make a hormone? Don't pay her"

"If your girlfriend starts smoking slow down or apply lubricant"

"What is a Freudian slip? When you say one thing but mean your mother."

"My heart goes out to all the parents who are about to see how much weight their kids have gained at college during the Thanksgiving break."

"I wasn't originally going to get a brain transplant... But then i changed my mind."