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Joke of the Day

"Last week I ordered a vault and some speakers Today they arrived, safe and sound."

"What's Jared's favorite side dish? Megan slaw"

"Play The Bee Gees loudly several times a day from your home so that if you have to kill someone the sounds won't be unusual."

"My friend thinks her husband is cheating on her. I don't have the heart to tell her he's just out chasing Pokemon."

"Imagine a world without pizza. No, no, stop crying this was just pretend I'M SORRY TRY AND CONTROL YOURSELF I'M SORRY"

"A Prius just tried to race me from a stop sign. I totally had it for the first 100 feet, but I can only walk so fast."

"What Movie does Hillary Watch when she's in a Bad Mood..? Kill Bill."

"What do you call a Russian sovereign with dwarfism and a taste for both men and women? A little bizar"

"Women don't make good meteorologists because they're never wrong"

"The only Clowns that I'm afraid of... Are the ones running for President..."