152806

Joke of the Day

"90% of being a parent is shouting, ""Remember to flush the toilet."" The other 10% is flushing the toilet for everyone."

"I'd be great at Wheel of Fortune. I shout random shit all the time. It's called ""tourettes"". ""Pat, I'd like to buy a... FUCK! SHIT! FUCK!"""

"A man goes to the pharmacy to buy condoms. The pharmacist asks: Do you need a bag? He answers: She isn't that ugly!"

"If you want a waitress to leave you alone for a half hour, tell her you need 5 more minutes to order."

"Some days having kids makes it all worthwhile. I haven't experienced any yet, but statistically they're bound to happen at some point."

"Friend: Do I need to repeat myself? Me: No. I might not be able to ignore you a second time"

"I came....I saw.... I'm a lumberjack who needs to stop watching porn & get a *life*...."

"What do all Pedophiles have in common They're all Fucking Immature Ass-holes"

"What do you call the remnants of blown up cheese DeBrie!!"

"I was in a second hand shop. ""I was wondering if you had any condoms?"" I asked the owner. ""Don't be ridiculous,"" he remarked, ""Of course not."" I said, ""You're a brave guy, I like your style."""