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Joke of the Day

"Emergency Landing: Gary thank god you picked up! Hey remember when you said if I needed a place to crash I cou- hold on... *to copilot* STOP CRYING, GARY WILL HELP"

"I'd tell you a joke about statistics But the punchline is probably outside your range."

"When my boyfriend gives me a hug during an argument, it looks loving, but I'm just patting him down to make sure he's not wearing a wire."

"I woke up this morning wearing a red fuzzy wig, giant oversized shoes and a red nose. I think I must have slept funny."

"Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo."

"Two envelopes had a baby It was male"

"What does Sean Connery say when he has to go number 2? ""I've got a shituation"""

"A sincere apology is like coffee. Don't talk to me beforehand."

"What does a cat call its black best friend? Its Maine Coon."

"Once I had completed my final exam, my professor told me to turn it in to one of the teaching assistants. Good thing I have been practicing my origami."