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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a 4WD and a rental car? A rental car can drive anywhere."

"Why did Mickey Mouse name his dog Pluto? Because he's not a planet."

"Why do the French eat only one egg for breakfast? Because one is un oeuf"

"Why do you always see beggars at protests? They're always looking for some sort of change!"

"A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are sitting in the first grade, who has the biggest boobs? The blonde, because she's 18."

"Boss: I'm following you on Twitter. Me: Sweet! 'Nother follower! [Days later] Me: Oh wait. Shit."

"When I was a kid the swear jar at my house was always empty because my sister was a goddamn fucking thief."

"Tech support guy asked me to rank my issue as normal, urgent, or extremely urgent. I did a 6min long scream into the phone & let him decide."

"How was Rome split in half? With a pair of *Caesars*"

"[date] HER: Any hobbies? ME: I collect old comics HER: Oh! Like 1st editions? ME: [flashback to Billy Crystal tied up in basement] Sure"