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Joke of the Day
"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me Than a frontal lobotomy."
Next Joke
"Alright, alright. You can all have jet packs! [two days later] Reporter: Another 8000 dead today due to sky rage."
"[date] ME: ur jacket goes well with ur purse HER: *sits down* see it's not hard to be complimentary ME: u mean complementary HER: *gets up*"
"And your 2015 Miss Universe is Columbia! -Steve Harvey"
"Turns out an At Home DNA test is not a good baby shower gift"
"A refrigerator is the exact opposite of a drug addict. It starts off in a box and then moves to a house."
"What do you give someone who is about to tear up? Tape"
"TIP: Always carry a motorcycle helmet with u. Then u never have to do your hair & u can blame it on safety & the law & stuff. #lifehacks"
"responsibilities and feelings should not exist"
"What runs well and efficiently except when you need it to? The Seattle Seahawks"