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Joke of the Day

"someone explain to me 72 hour protection deodorants and antiperspirants. If you bathe everyday, that like defeats the whole purpose right??"

"Two Hydrogens walk into a bar and spot an Oxygen Feeling adventurous, they approach her and ask ""Hey baby, can we interest you in a waterway?"""

"What do you call a Canadian in a blizzard? Cold."

"The police just knocked on my door They claimed my dog was chasing someone on a bike. I told them they must be mistaken. My dog doesn't even own a bike."

"As I pulled back the ring-pull on my 5th can of beer, I heard ""Hello."" I thought to myself, ""It must be the drink talking."""

"I'm a dirty bird. *shits on your windshield*"

"""Give it to me,"" my girlfriend yelled. ""I'm so fucking wet, give it to me now!"" She could scream all she wanted, I was keeping the umbrella"

"Removing access to contraceptives in order to discourage premarital sex is like removing seat belts to encourage safer driving habits."

"Honestly, after an hour of Disney Channel I don't give a shit about the future"

"Tech support in the military Troubleshoot to kill."