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Joke of the Day

"Two Hydrogens walk into a bar and spot an Oxygen Feeling adventurous, they approach her and ask ""Hey baby, can we interest you in a waterway?"""

"Twitter is like a dorm, someone is always up at every hour, someone is crying and someone is drunk."

"Why doesn't Ed have a girlfriend? Cause Sheeran."

"I just saved $30 on Taco Bell by telling a friend I don't have my wallet"

"A Mexican once tried to steal my golf clubs.. so I had to shoot a hole-in-juan."

"A husband walks into the bedroom... ... and hands his wife 2 Advils. She says: ""But honey, I don't have a headache!"" ... To which he replies: ""Aha, I got you! Let's have sex then!"""

"Just a reminder that parrots can talk."

"The guy I've been paying to pick up poop in my backyard just realized that I don't own any animals."

"All You Need to Know about Explosives by Dinah Mite"

" And I would walk 500 ft. and I would walk 500 more/ Just to be the man who stayed 1000 ft away as ordered by the court "