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Joke of the Day

"Removing access to contraceptives in order to discourage premarital sex is like removing seat belts to encourage safer driving habits."

"If I give up my seat for you on the bus, it's my right to stand in front of you and stare down your blouse. I think it's in the Bible."

"What do you call a crocodile that can't have sex? A reptile dysfunction."

"What do you have in a room full of tweakers? A full set of teeth."

"Q: Can gorillas swim? A: No."

"If only success was measured by how self deprecating you could be... ...I'd still be below average."

"If you ever find yourself being attacked by a gang of clowns... ...go for the juggler."

"Today I Fucked Up... the couch"

"What are women good for!? Something to lie on while you have sex!"

"Sex like me is like 'The Mermaid Joke' on /r/jokes right now. Hot, bloody, and it ends with a dead cow."