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Joke of the Day

"4 y/o: What's your job? Me: I stay at home, take care of you, clean, cook the food... 4: That sounds boring. Do you want me to fire you?"

"When I was little, I remember falling asleep on the sofa and waking up in bed. Now that I'm older, I find myself passing out on the sofa and waking up on the floor."

"What's black hairy and writes under water? A ball-point gorilla!"

"When life gives you melons... ...you may be dyslexic."

"Why do Spanish tests take so long? Because of all the ese questions."

"The twist in M. Night Shyamalan's next film is that it turns out to be a good movie."

"Saw a bird at my feeder shit on another bird's head and that bird just kept right on eating. I've never before felt this close to nature."

"""Not much. Just hanging out, hoping for World War III."" - Map makers"

"Computer problems can be solved with duct tape if you apply it directly to the mouth of the person asking you to help fix their computer."

"Girl, is your name ""Schedule"" ? Because I'm always running behind ya."