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Joke of the Day

"Saw a bird at my feeder shit on another bird's head and that bird just kept right on eating. I've never before felt this close to nature."

"Will you get mad? Wife: *Honey, do I look fat in this dress?* Husband: *Will you get mad if I tell you the truth?* Wife: *No, silly. Of course not* Husband: *I slept with your sister*"

"What's black and smells like Shiraz? Tyrone Lannister"

"What does a fedora guy say on the Singapore border? M'lasia"

"I visited my doctor last week, and he told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked him why, surely it's not dangerous. He said it was distracting him."

"[court] ME: Between 10 & 11 p.m. I was having sex JUDGE: Who are you? You're not even in this trial M: I know, I just want it on record"

"My wife hired a fact checker for when we argue."

"Helen Keller walks into a bar And a chair...and a table"

"Great Halloween costume idea! I just went through my closet and found my ex's clothes. Does anyone want to be a raging bitch for Halloween?"

"Prostitutes What do you call three prostitutes? Hoe Hoe Hoe"