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Joke of the Day

"If your name is Paul... (If you beat somebody in any way). Are you a flower? CAUSE YOU JUST GOT PAULINATED!"

"Why wasn't Sarah Jessica Parker cast in ""Seabiscuit""? I don't think she auditioned for the movie, or was even considered for it. And she was busy with ""Sex and the City"" anyway."

"[first day as a mechanic] ME: i would say this car is haunted"

"Her: My baby is 28 months old. Me: Oh really? I'm 74 inches tall. Not so fun when YOU have to do the math, is it?"

"I had some food stuck in my teeth and now I'm an international beatboxing champion."

"I saw a sign that said ""watch for children"" and I thought.. .. ""That sounds like a fair trade"""

"What did Cinderella say when the got to the ball? She didn't say anything, she just gagged."

"Australia wants to secede from the Commonwealth to distance itself from the British Monarchy... It will no longer be a kingdom and it can't be a principality, so it has to be a country."

"Chuck Norris uses tabasco sauce instead of visine."

"Why are there no black people at the North Pole? Because there is nothing to steal there"