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Joke of the Day

"Coworker who supports Trump: Big weekend plans? Me: Huge. My weekend plans are so big you won't believe it. No one has bigger weekend plans."

"How many PETA members does it take to change a lightbulb? None, because PETA can't change anything. -A joke I found inside the game manual for Super Meat Boy for Steam."

"Let's emotionally damage each other and call it Love."

"For something that has nine lives, you'd think this cat would spend at least one of them not being an annoying cunt."

"I told my son I'm a motherfucker...... He was like. ""You fuck mothers...... lesbo."" I replied. "" Ain't a lesbo if it's myself."""

"Cracked a joke about the Titanic. Went down well."

"Score! I just landed my summer job for this year - working at the zoo, circumsizing elephants They said the hourly pay isn't great, but the tips are ENORMOUS!"

"What's the difference between a black man and Batman? Batman can go into a store without Robin."

"When someone asks me, ""Is this seat saved?"" I like to say ""No, but we're still praying for it"" and I laugh because chairs are like, dead."

"Put my grandma on speed dial Call that Instagram. My friend told me this a little while ago."