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Joke of the Day
"People keep comparing Trump to Hitler, but that is just not true. I mean, Hitler could paint."
Next Joke
"[narrating people dancing at a wedding] These humans are using their legs for the first time today"
"I wish I gave Darth Vader different last words. Before he died, I wanted him to mutter, ""I should have stuck to pod racing."""
"To do list:nn1) Kill the fly in my room. nn2) Try to snort multivitamins.nn3) Practice Hadouken in mirror.nn4) Kill the fly's loved ones."
"[Pilot intercom] Me: ""Hello, this is the co-pilot speaking. Not to cause alarm but the pilot has passed out and I lied a lot on my resume."""
"What's warm, white, and I drink almost every night? Warm milk before bed... Get your mind out of the gutter!"
"If you had bad legs, why wouldn't you want to be a college professor? Because you never sitty down!"
"What did every World Series before 2016 and gay bears have in common? No Cubs."
"What does Patrick Stewart say during tantric sex? ""Make it slow."""
"You know what we call comedy gold in the chemistry world? Ha2Au (I'm sorry, also the 2 should be sub-scripted but reddit wouldn't let me do that)"