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Joke of the Day

"Getting a caricature drawing of yourself is basically the only time you pay money for someone to brutally own you."

"""It doesn't matter if you win or lose, it's how you play the game."" -Losers"

"I'm an atheist with a god-complex... ...which explains why all my highschool teachers always said I never believed in myself."

"What do you call a limp and deaf dog? By it's name if it has one"

"I don't see why we're worried about running out of resources. I mean, how many people can there be in the world? Like a million?"

"How many blondes does it take to... How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb? 5... 1 to hold the bulb and 4 to spin the chair"

"If I get married I want my last name to be hyphenated. Mr. and Mrs. Hyphenated."

"[opens lunchbox] YOGURT?!? o no... that means... [my dad is at the office surounded by men and women in suits asking if they can hav a dunkaroo]"

"Never Lose A Tank When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship."

"My friend thinks he is so smart. He said the only food that can make a person cry is onions... until I hit him in the face with a coconut."