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Joke of the Day

"Getting a caricature drawing of yourself is basically the only time you pay money for someone to brutally own you."

"Drills are boring."

"HAIRDRESSER: *holding mirror* and the back? DRACULA: *nodding* um.. yeah.. sure.. great thanks"

"What happens when a Chinese man with a boner runs into a wall? He breaks his nose."

"NSFW What word starts with a 'C' and then ends with 'U-N-T'? ""Count"" you dumb cunt."

"How is it that I always seem to buy the plants without the will to live?"

"I love Americans. You guys have the best serial killers."

"How do you become a kleptomaniac? You pick it up from other people"

"What do you call a masturbating cow? Beef Stroking Off!"

"Every time I wear a suit I hear the same five words. ""Will the defendants please rise"""